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AJ laid down, spreading his arms.

So much time had gone by since that night.

So much time, yet he remembered everything.

It had been hard in the beginning for him, in here. Hard to live on without N-Zee.

Without Nick.

After the cop had killed Nick, right in front of him, he had lost the will to live. He had wanted more than anything for the cop to kill him too.

But of course he hadn't done that. He had kicked the gun out of his hands, he'd kicked him in the ribs.

For his partner probably.

Then he had arrested him.

For days he sat in custody not knowing if any of his friends were alive. He didn't really bother to call a laywer.

In the end him mom had to call one, trying to get him out. She didn't know, didn't understand.

The cops wanted to know what had happened. One of them had a daughter who had been a fan.

Had been.

That was all over now. It had been since the day Justin died.

The cops had found him at the club. That's when they talked to him again, and told him the things he had feared, but not brought himself to believe.

His friends were dead.

Mickey and Janny, along with a few others, had died fighting the Lions. The cop said that they had probably killed a great deal of Lions before they had been shot. He didn't know if they were playing with his head or trying to cheer him up. Somehow he doubted that last one.

Kevin had been killed by a cop. The cop had spotted him with a gun and shot him in the back.

His first thought had been to kill that cop, torture him for killing his friend. The cop in front of him had to know that, because he said that the cop had been shot. By Howie.

That was how Howie died. He hadn't seen the Lion because he was sitting next to Kevin trying to wake him up.

The Lion had slit his throath, then stabbed him in the back a hell of a lot of times.

The cop didn't tell him about Brian. He didn't have to . AJ already knew that.

All he did was look straight ahead, not caring about what the cop said, barely talking.

"You have anything to say in your defence Alexander?" the cop asked.

He looked up at him.

"Like what?"

"Like why a guy like you end up killing people?"

"Self defence" he answered, smiling at the cop. Oh, he was making fun of him, and the cop knew it. He figured that it didn't matter what he said, he was still going to be charged with murder.

"So can you at least tell me why N-Zee died saving your life? I still don't get why he cared."

AJ's smile faded and his eyes grew cold in an instant.

"If you tell me where I can find the cop who killed him. I'd like to cut his balls of. Then kill him rather painfully. And slowly."

Those words ended the whole thing.

They said they didn't need a confession, they had all the evidence they needed.

********************

The trial was pretty short.

He was being charged with murder one. He still didn't get why, it had been sorta self defence, and the cop had killed his best friend. It's not like he had planned it.

But anyways. The media made a big deal out of it, and everybody wanted to know why he had done it.

He never told them. He just sat there during the trial. Not caring about what happened.

He didn't care if he won or lost, his life was over anyway.

The state wanted the capital punishment.

He got it.

Death by lethal enjection.

*******************

He sat in his own cell, day in and day out, waiting. He read a lot. Books mostly. They had been N-Zee's, but he had asked his mom if she could get them for him.

She was the only one who now knew the truth. Somehow she understood.

Not about the killing. She hated that, hated that it was taking her son away from her.

She understood why. Why he had done the things he had done. Why he didn't care anymore.

She didn't care that he never told her he was gay.

And she promised, that when all this was over, his remains would be buried next to N-Zee's.

She had even made sure that N-Zee, Nick, Nickolas, was buried on the same burial ground as most of their family. In a grave meant for married couples, waiting for AJ.

He loved his mother for that. She promised so keep on taking care of Mercy, Nick's dog. She missed him she said, but she was alive.

********************

It was time now, time to go. His hands were strapped, and he could see the chemicals they would inject into him.

And he didn't care.

He wondered what would come next. If there was heaven for him. Or hell.

He wondered if Nick was waiting for him.

He wondered if there was an afterlife.

And he knew that he would find out soon enough.

He knew his mom where there, watching. He didn't want ther to, but she said that nothing could keep her away.

He had often wondered how he had made it through these years of waiting. He smiled, for he knew now.

He understood now.

It had been the dream.

Every night he'd had the same dream, and it had been wonderful.

He dind't know why , but deep down inside he knew the dream was right.

The dream was reality, future.

A possible future.

If a single choice had been made differently, just one, made in a life now lost, then his dream would be reality.

He could see the liquids flowing into his body. He could feel it getting heavier.

He was getting sleepy, and for the last time, he dreamed.

********************

He saw through the eyes of girl. She was a normal looking kid, maybe 15. He didn't know why her, and he guessed he'd never know.

She turned her attention to the stage as the music started, and over the speakers someone started to talk.

"welcome...welcome...welcome...."

The music had an echo to it, and she did not know if it was supposed to have it. She had her eyes locked on the stage, waiting

"backstreet boys...boys...boys...."

Lights started to appear, and she could see people moving around. She was waiting, waiting for her first concert to start. Waiting to see her fave group for real.

"Kevin Richardson....richardson...hardson...."

The screams seemed far away. He was cute, but not the one she was looking for. Not her fave.

"Brian Littrell...littrell...ttrell...."

They grew a little louder, and she screamed along. He was cute.

"Howie Dorough...dorough...rough.."

Still growing, yet far away. Everything seemed far away, even though she was standing up front.

"AJ McLean...mclean...clean.."

Her smile was wide now, and she could suddenly hear the screams. They were loud, as if they were trapped inside her head. She wanted to scream, the feeling too much to bare. She sceamed, along with thousands of other girls. Only one name left now, and she had to hold over he ears, the screams were so loud. She screamed too, for this one was her fave, along with AJ.

"..and Nick Carter...carter...arter...."

 

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