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The door closes behind Brian and me, and we are finally alone.

Not for long though. We were given half an hour to get ready, and then we have to be off again, to do the press conferance. I don't know if I can do it. To sit up there, in front of fans and press, and tell them that me and Brian are an item, that we have been for months. They're gonna eat it up, and probably take a chew out of us at the same time.

Brian looks so calm, but I know there are a thousand things flying around inside that little head of his. Just like me, he's in deep thoughts right now.

How could she?

Leighanne, the bitch from hell.

Hell, a place they all say me and him are going. I don't care though, cause I don't belive that's where we're going. I'm not THAT religious, and neither is Brian. Sure, he believes, goes to church and all that, but he also belives that God is forgiving.

His family is another matter, but in the end, they will forgive him, because they know it is what God will do. His family will manage, but I don't know about mine.

I can't tell Brian that though, because he thinks they are the ones who will be cool with it. I know he doesn't think they are going to have a problem dealing with me being gay, but he is wrong.

I know my family, and there is no way in hell they are going to alright about me being gay. I had a cousin who 'turned gay', as they called it, and they all thought he was just sick, and that it could be cured. It's not just religion, it's their way of life.

I'm afraid of what they are going to do, what they are going to say, and how they are going to react. And I have good reason. I just hope that Brian will understand how difficult it will be for me to tell them.

I've never told him how they can be, I never thought it mattered. I don't know why I never told him, because I knew we'd have to tell them sooner or later. I guess I just always hoped it would be later.

*****

He's being so very quiet, and I don't understand it.

He's deep in thought, just as I am, but he's so lost he doesn't even know I'm watching him.

He looks so tired, and there's something in his eyes, something that resembles fear. But my boy can't be afraid. Why would he? His family will be alright with him being gay. Mine one the other hand will lecture me in the Bible and all that. I know they will accept it, but it won't be easy until they do.

So I need Nick to be strong, I need him to hold me and tell me it will be alright. I don't want him to be scared, because if he is, then I will be as well. And that would not be good.

"Nick?" I carefully say, and he looks at me, smiling a weak smile.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I ask him, staring into his eyes, to see if he's telling me the truth. I don't want him to lie just to make me feel better.

"No, I'm not" he says, after staring at me in silence for a while.

"What is it baby?" I say, and walk over to him, sitting down next to him and putting my arm around his shoulders.

"I just..it's hard Brian. A few hours ago we had nothing to worry about but record sales. Now we've got the bands future hanging over our heads, and we've gotta try and come up with an explanation to why we never told our parents. We have to look into their eyes, and tell them why we lied."

I lean my head on his shoulder, and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"It'll be alright. The fans will deal, you know that. And your family will understand. Mine will be worse, but in the end they will come around. Everything is going to be alright, and today we are going to show the press that they have nothing on us at all, that we can handle all the things they'll throw at us."

*****

He doesn't understand, and I can't tell him.

I know I should tell him about my family, but what the fuck am I supposed to say?

How can I justify not telling him. In a way it fells like I'm lying to him, but I just can't bring myself to tell him the truth.

I love him, more than words can say and all that, but still, I just can't tell him.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to face my family and try to explain why I lied, why I never told them, and why I'm fucking gay!

They'll want to know it all, but that last question will be the one I can't answer.

How can I explain to them that nobody chooses to be gay. It just happens, and there is nothing you can do about it.

And for me, it feels natural. When I'm in Brian's arms, that's when I'm in heaven, and I couldn't care less where I go after I die, as long as I get to spend this life with him.

I could try and tell them that, but I sure don't know if they'll like to hear that.

I don't think they'll like to hear anything I've got to tell them.

*****

I hold Nick, and just as I am about to say someting else, there's a knock on the door.

I get up and open it, finding AJ standing there, changed and ready to go.

"Come on guys, we have to get going. The press conferance is next."

I nod.

"Thanks man." Turning to Nick I say, "Come on baby, time to go."

He gets up and walks over to me, grabbing a hold of my hand again, and leaning down to kiss my cheek.

AJ looks at us, then he turns around and leads us towards the elevator.

"Oh, and I overheard Kevin talking to Bill. It seems both you're families are flying in. They'll be here later tonight, so you'll get a chance to talk to them around nine pm or something."

 

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