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I know what they're doing in there. I know what they do every night. I know, yet I can't do anything about it.

I can't tell a soul what I feel about all this, because the other two in the group just wouldn't be fit to talk to, and I sertainly can't talk to Nick or Brian.

They are so caught up in their own little world, it's hard for them to see things the way the rest of us does. This scares me. It does so because I know that sooner or later they will be forced to look upon themselves through the eyes of the world.

And that is something I don't think they will be able to deal with.

I don't think what they have is strong enough to make it through that, I don't even think it is love.

But I can't tell them that, for they wouldn't believe me. They would think I was judging them, that I just didn't like the fact that they were together.

That is not the isssue here.

I don't care if they are gay, and I wouldn't care if they loved each other so much that they couldn't live without each other. I really wouldn't.

So why do I care?

Because I don't think that they truly love each other.

I know that to them it must feel like love.

But from where I'm standing it's not love, it's lust.

They are acting on lust, and letting their passions take control. And that is the way it is supposed to be.

But if they tell the world, all of our lives will change, and quite possibly no one will be able to deal with the fact that two of us are gay and together.

What can I say, we live in a narrow-minded world.

I am afraid that they will risk it all for something that's not love.

I'm afraid that they will mess up my life.

And I won't let them do that.

*****

My eyes meet Brian's again, and I give him a small smile.

He's standing in front of me, naked and arounsed, leaning up against the bathroom door, trying to be as quiet as he can while I lick a path up and down his cock, taking it into my mouth fast, then letting it slide slowly out again.

I think he's biting his tongue or something, to keep from screaming my name. I can hear his breathing, hard and fast, and a little too loud for comfort. If anyone were to listen at the door they would know what was going on, in a way.

But somehow that doesn't bother me.

I knew the risk we'd be taking the minute I dragged him in here, and I do not care.

We've been in here for a while now I think. I lost track of the time a while back. Somewhere in between me doing Brian and him doing me.

I can still feel his cock inside me, sliding slowly in and out, hitting my prostate again and again, making me moan his name and curse the fact that we can't do this on a bed.

We've been making love in here, not just fucking.

I had planned to have some fun, but after the first two minutes I think we went past that. I saw in his eyes how much he loves me, and I know he sees the same in my eyes.

So all the plans I'd planned so carefully was thrown out the window, and we started what would prove to be one of our longes love-making sessions. Not the longes, but pretty darn close.

And we're not done yet.

I still have his lovely cock in my mouth, and I want to make him scream of pleasure. Of couse that's out of the question, but a little begging wouldn't be too much to ask for now would it.

"Keep going Carter...and..oh god...stop that..."

I take my mouth away from his cock, but let my fingers play gently with it. I try to look innocently at him, but somehow I doubt I managed to pull it off.

"What?" I say.

"I know you....*swallow*.....ohm....no planning....just..ohfuckmejesus...go on...holymotherfuckingshit"

DID I JUST HEAR THAT?

I was planning to make him beg, and I know, he knows me too well. But I got more than begging, I got cussing, swearing, dirty talk, call it whatever you want. I got Brian to say somwthing he rarely does. OK, so the word fuck comes out of his mouth a lot, but everybody says that. No, I got Brian to say stuff I didn't even know he could.

I think my little churchboy is a devil after all.

My devil that is, and I'm never ever gonna let him go.

"Ok" I simply say, giving him a smirk as I lick the tip of his cock.

"FUCK"

Oh my God, he just yelled that.

Could be because he just came, and so did I, and I haven't even been touched. I need Brian to talk dirty more often, cause it seems it turns me on.

He falls to his knees in front of me, and is about to kiss me when there's a knock on the door.

"What?" I manage to say, as I try to control my breathing.

"You guys alright? You've been in there for hours"

That's Kevin. Great, now what do I say.

Fuck it Littrell, open your mouth, you know I can't answer hard questions like that.

Maybe if I don't say a word he'll go away.

"Nick? Brian? Answer me."

I don't think he's going to go away.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

*****

I'm crying again.

I can't help it.

It's so hard for me to live like this, to live with this hanging over my head.

I try not to discuss it, try to make people think I have no idea what's going on. That's easy, since most people don't know.

It won't stay like that for long though.

I can't keep silent any longer.

I have to do something.

But it can't be a spur of the moment thing. I have to plan this. I have to know what to do, and how to deal with what's going to happen.

 

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