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I love waking up to this. I love waking up with him by my side. I love waking up with him.

He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, like there's nowhere else he'd rather be. When he sleeps in my arms he doesn't toss and turn, and he doesn't have bad dreams. In my arms, he feels safe.

I know this because I know him.

He's my best friend, he's my lover. Heck, he's my everything.

If I could stop time, and make this moment last forever, I would. Believe me I would.

But I can't.

Time passes, and there's nothing you can do about it.

We've had a great week, spending every free moment with each other. We talked a lot, played some games, went to the movies, to dinner. We did all those things that any normal couple would to, except for the holding hands in public part.

I hate having to lie to the world, but I know it isn't time yet. I don't think either of us is ready to tell. Those few who knows are too many, and in a way I'm glad Kevin seems to have forgotten. That way, me and Nick don't have to deal with him knowing just quite yet.

And that's a good thing. I honestly don't know how my own cousin is going to react once he opens his eyes and sees the truth.

So if I can't deal with that, I know I'm not ready to tell anyone else. I know I'd freak, what Nick would do, I don't know.

But I don't wanna think about this now. Everything is going fine. We got to experience how it's like to have a normal relationship, if it was only for a few days.

Today we're leaving. It's early thursday, and we leave for Sweden in less then two hours. We'll arrive there early friday I think, and won't have much time to prepare for the EMA's, but we'll be alright.

After that, it's off to the airport to start our trip around the world.

I don't know how we're gonna make it though. There won't be much room on that plane, and there will be people around us 24/7. It's gonna be hard to stay away from him, but I know it's something I have to do.

On that plane, we have to stay as far away from each other as possible, cause believe me, if Nick acts the way he usually does, then I'm gonna be all hot and bothered after an hour. That wouldn't be a good thing.

Did I just say that? I'm one fucked up man. Crazy I say, crazy.

But, it wouldn't. We don't want anyone to know, but if we act like we usually do, someone is bound to find out.

I just hope he doesn't have anything planned.

*****

He doesn't know I'm awake.

I know he's thinking about something, but I don't know what.

It doesn't matter though, a man is entitled his own thoughts, most of the time.

I love the way he feels against my back, and I snuggle closer to him, and he wraps his arm around my waist, and I'm in heaven.

If I could have one wish it would be for this moment to never end.

I would gladly spend eternity in his arms, just like this. We don't have to do anything. I just wanna feel it. It feels safe, in his arms. It feels like home. These days, home to me is wherever Brian is. It can be in a bus or in a fancy hotel, or even in my own house, it's always home when I'm in his arms.

I love this so much, I love him so much, I would hate to see him leave.

I don't know why I'm even thinking about this, because it's very depressing, but if anything were to happen, and he left me, I don't think I would be able to go on.

I'm afraid that if things get rugh, he might not think that I am worth it, and leave me.

I know I shouldn't think like this, but I do. Everyday I fear I might loose him someday, and I don't want that to happen, not at all.

But the thing I fear the most is not that he will leave me, it's that I will leave him. I don't think I could, not now. Not when things are as good as they are now, as perfect.

But that's the thing, I love the now, but what will happen when things change? What will happen when we will be forced to deal with the world knowing?

Sooner or later we'll have to tell, and when we do, it's gonna change everything.

I don't know how that's going to affect me, what telling the world is going to do with my life.

I don't know how things might change, I don't know if feelings will change.

I don't know if Brian will change.

That last part scares me more than anything in the world.

It's not telling the world that scares me to death, it's what's going to happen after we do.

It's how people are going to react.

It's what people are going to say.

Mostly though, it's what we're going to do.

I don't wanna know. Right now, ignorance is bliss. Right now, I don't want things to change.

But they will.

After this trip, I know things will change.

On this trip, we'll find out just what it is we really have, and where it's going.

I don't think I wanna go on this trip.

Doesn't mean I can stay home.

I'm going, just like he is, and we're going to have to find a way.

I love him, and I know he loves me.

I hope love wins.

I at least, am going to help.

I don't care if the plane is small and crowded, I know I can't stay away from Brian.

Oh yeah, I've got a few things planned.

He's going to love it.

I just know it.

 

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