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His world was spinning, round and round.

Lights were flashing all around him, and then suddenly it was dark.

He felt he was in a hall, or maybe a little room. He didn't know. It seemed like his surroundings kept changing. For a second he thought he could hear birds singing, and then there was nothing.

Silence.

Absolute.

Complete.

Pain.

It started in his head, and crept down, making him wanna scream, but his tongue didn't function.

He didn't function.

It was like he was drugged with something that made him aware of his surroundings, yet unable to respond to anything at all. He was trapped inside his own body, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Suddenly the hall was flooded with a bright light.

It was so bright that he couldn't see a thing. Everything around him seemed white, and he wanted to shut his eyes, afraid that if he didn't he'd loose his sight because of the light.

It was like sunlight now, shining so bright. White sunlight.

He could feel his eyes starting to burn, and he wanted so badly to shut them, but he couldn't.

He could do nothing as his eyes were burned beyond repair.

The light didn't go away.

He didn't know for how long he had been standing there, feeling his eyes burn inside his head, watching as the world became more and more blurry.

Then all of a sudden, the light went away, but it hadn't been shut off.

He was blind once more.

*****

He sat up from the couch so fast he almost fell off it, screaming for AJ so loudly that Howie fell off the chair he had been sitting on. AJ got up and was by Nick's side in a matter of seconds.

"What is it baby?" he asked, sitting down next to Nick, who laid his head in AJ's lap, tears running from his eyes.

"I'm blind" he said, looking at AJ.

"What?" AJ didn't understand. Nick couldn't have lost his sight again, it just wasn't possible, or fair.

"The light, it was so blinding. I tried to shut my eyes, I swear to God I did, but I couldn't. I could feel them burning up, and then there was nothing. I could see nothing. AJ, please, what's wrong with me?"

AJ's fingers trailed down Nick's cheek, wiping away the tears, unaware that he himself was crying.

"It was just a dream Nicky. Shhh honey, it was just a dream. You're ok, everything is gonna be ok."

"No, it's not." Nick said, sitting up on the couch, looking from AJ to the three other guys.

"I'm never gonna be ok. Don't you see, I'm afraid. Somewhere in my mind I have this delusion that if I go outside I am going to get hurt. I know it's not like that, but it's still there. I can still feel it everytime I try to go outside. It's like the world is coming down on top of me, and there is nothing that can save me. I'm screwed up AJ, and nothing will ever change that."

AJ looked at him, and put his hands around him. He pulled Nick as close as he could get him, and whispered into his ear.

"Don't worry baby, you'll be alright. It's normal that you feel that way. You're afraid that you're gonna get hurt, I know. But I promise you that I will never hurt you, and neither will any of the others. The fans out there have nothing but love to show to you. They love you, and they will not let anything happen to you. Out there, it's safe. Out there, it's home. Remember you told me once, how comforting it is to know that there are so many people out there that care. Use that comfort now baby, and go out there and show those fans that you are back. That we are back."

Nick looked up at him and smiled.

"I remember, and I'll try. For us." he said, and gave AJ a soft kiss.

*****

The stadium was dark, and so was the stage. They were about to start. But instead of doing the rehearsed opening, they would start out on the stage, talking to the fans. Telling them how much it meant to them that the fans were supporting them, and how much it meant for Nick to be there.

He'd come a long way, but now he was home.

The lights went on, and the fans screamed. Nick stood as close to AJ as he could, looking out over the crowd. He could feel the color leaving his face, and looked down.

There, on the front row, he saw two girls. They couldn't be older than sixteen, but that was not what got his attention.

It was the sign they were holding up in the air, waving around with smiles on their faces.

He felt himself relax as he read it.

The fans were always supportive, they always knew what to say and do. They knew how to cheer him up, and with them around, on stage, he felt at home.

He grabbed AJ's hand, and showed him the sign, and they both smiled as they read it again.

To AJ & Nick
We Support You
Forever

 

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