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The reporters seemed like they hadn't heard what he said. Then it finally started to sink in, and suddenly people were shouting questions at him. Nick closed his eyes, and waited for them to calm down, so he could answer them one by one.

"Are you saying you're gay?" was the first one he could hear clearly.

"I just told you I am in love with a man. Last time I checked, that meant I'm gay. Of course, there's bi, but I don't really like girls, so, yeah, I'm gay."

"Who is this man you are in love with? Does he love you back?"

Nick smiled. "Yes, he loves me. And if you don't believe me, ask him yourself."

"He's here?"

Nick knew that now they had everyones attention for sure. He looked at AJ, who nodded, and cleared his throath. Everyone grew silent, and AJ spoke.

"I'm here" he said, and held up a hand to make them shut up. "I guees it's not really that big of a surprise for you when I say I am gay, or possibly bi. Anyway, I'm in love with Nick, have been for a while. We just thought we should let you all in on the secret, which is why you are all here."

When he was done talking, the people sitting in front of them were quet. All they did was stare at Nick and AJ, shaking their heads, letting it sink in.

Nick leaned over to AJ.

"I don't know, but I was kinda expecting a different reaction." he whispered.

"Yeah. This is weird. We should wake them up" AJ replied, and turned to look at Nick.

Nick smiled, and leaned in to give him a soft kiss, before he turned towards the press again. Now everyone was simply staring at them.

"Are there any more questions?" Kevin asked.

"Erh, yes" one man said. "You mentioned going back on the road. Do you know when you'll continue the tour?"

"Well.."Kevin started, but was interrupted by Nick.

"Yeah. We'll continue in three days, right here in LA, and take it from there. Now, if that's all, I wanna thank you all for coming"

Then he got up and walked back inside. He couldn't believe he had just said that. In three days he was going back on stage, he was gonna return to the spotlight. It had sounded like a good idea in his head, but it didn't sound that way now.

In three days he had to be out in front of thousands of girls and boys, singing. He knew the show by heart, knew the words better than most, yet he didn't know if he could do it. But it was done, he had set the date, and now he knew he had to go through with it.

*****

Nick felt like his world was spinning. It had been three days, three days since he made that fateful decition to return to the spotlight.

Their news had shocked the world, but it wasn't as bad as he had been afraid of. They had come out and told the truth, and it seemed that most people respected them for that. Of course there were those who didn't understand, but that wasn't something new.

The fans were divided into those who supported them no matter what and those who thought it was ok, but didn't really like it. Very few judged them, and that was perhaps one of the reasons he wasn't a complete nervous wreck right about now.

Tonight was the night.

They had arrived at the stadium an hour ago, for sound checks and all the regular stuff. Usually that was no problem, but today he felt like it was his first time. He kept screwing up, missing his cue in the few songs they went through, and he was either behind in the dancing or didn't dance at all.

He had no energy, which was strange, because usually he was all out crazy, jumping up and down, finding it impossible to stand still.

He knew he had problems, and that he had to work on it, but that didn't mean he could just tell himself it was ok, and then the shivers would go away.

He looked down at his hands, and closed his eyes. His hands were still shaking. He had been unable to hold them still ever since he got here. He had hoped it would be better, but now he didn't know. He might never be ok.

He had hoped that it would all go over, that he would realize it was no big deal and be ok. He had thought that if he only got into the rutine again, he would be alright.

It seemed it was not that easy.

It didn't matter what the press said, he was still uneasy and unsure when it came to the fans. They might believe that they were ok with it, but then freak when they saw him and AJ together. None of them had any plans of doing anything out of order, but still, how could they not send each other looks and touch each other?

When it all came down to it, he had problems.

He was unable to function when he was not in a place he felt home in.

Anywhere outside of his house he felt like the world was coming down on top of him. He could be in the middle of an open field, and yet he would feel trapped. The outside world scared him, and he was aware of that. But he also knew that he would have to face his fears some day.

That day might as well be today.

 

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