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I don't think I've ever hated the fans before. They've been an annoyance at times, of course, but I've never hated them before.

I do now.

Right now, I hate each and every one of them, and most of all these teenage girls with nothing better to do than hang out around our hotel, trying to get a glimpse, screaming loud enough to give me a fucking headache.

And because of the screaming girls, Phoenix woke up, and now she's also screaming.

Screaming, crying, call it whatever you want, I don't care.

She's making loud noises, drawing more attention to us, if that is even possible.

Not only do we have the fans full and loud attention, we've also got the attention of people walking by, journalists, photographers and every other person within a miles' radius.

But then again, how can we not attract attention.

The world knows about Nick and me, and each and every one has their own opinion about the two of us and our relationship.

That I'm ok with, that I'm used to. That I know in my heart I can live with.

Now, people see Nick walking next to a pretty girl who's holding a child, looking at the girl like a father. And behind them, I go, looking like I don't belong, like I've got no right to be there at all.

People gotta be wondering.

Wondering about what's going on. About who the woman and child is. About why Nick is walking with them and not me. Or why I don't walk with the two of them.

The one thing I don't think anyone will wonder about, is why Nick is looking at Phoenix the way he does.

He shines where he walks.

It's so obvious, so obvious that he's a father. It's like it's written on his forehead, or like there's a big bright sign over him with an arrow pointing down saying FATHER!

But even as obvious as it is, something tells me the people here are too blind to see it. Too blind to see that sparks of emotions around those three.

I mean, I know that my Nicky already loves Phoenix. Who wouldn't, she a beautiful baby girl.

But there is more there. I swear it is. There's sparks flying from Nick to Serenla, and also the other way.

As I walk here behind them, I can feel Nick slipping away from me. For every step we take he's further and further away from me. For every step we take he gets closer and closer to Serenla.

I'm loosing him, right here, right now.

I know it, and I hate it. I hate knowing, and I hate the fact that there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

I can only walk here and watch them.

Watch him.

Slipping away.

I'm loosing him.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

*****

Something is wrong.

I can feel it.

And know what it is, and the reason why.

It's Brian, he's what wrong. Well, not THAT way of course, Brian will never be wrong. He'll always be right. Whatever happens, that I will always feel in my heart, that when I'm with him, everything is right.

No, what I mean is that there is something wrong with Brian, something's different. He's too quiet, to distant, too far gone. He's lost in his own mind, and right now, I'm willing to bet a million bucks that ain't such a good place for Brian to be.

I don't understand it though.

I mean, we're almost there, back at the hotel, where we'll be able to sort everything out. Where we'll be able to figure out what we'll do, and what we'll say.

The other guys will know the truth of course. We've been through the whole hiding-things-from-them deal, and that's not really the smartest thing to do. Cause they find out. In the end they always find out.

And they never seem to be happy about not being told sooner. So, we'll tell them right away and save outself from another one of Kevin's lectures. I've heard enough of those to last me a lifetime, or two, or three, or four, or I could go on and on and on and..I think you get my point.

So, the masterplan is as follows. Get us the hell up to mine and Brian's room, close and lock the door, and sit down and talk.

Or rather, they sit down and I talk, and then we can discuess what I've decided. But it'll be as I say, so the discussion won't really be needed, I'll just throw it in there to make them think they have a choice.

Which they don't have of course. I've already made up my mind about how I want things to be. I'm just not gonna let them find out that I have.

See, I may be blonde, but I'm not stupid.

Not all the time.

*****

Something is going on.

And I have a feeling it's not a good thing.

How did I figure that out you wonder.

Gee you don't have to be a rocket scientist to get that.

First Nick and Brian completely dissappear of the face of the earth for hours. No one has a clue where they were, not even their own security.

Then there's the fact that they return in the company of a beautiful girl, or perhaps woman is a more correct term to use.

Anyways, they return in the company of her AND a little child. Now, to make it even more obvious that something is going on, we've got Nick who's walking next to the woman, looking at the child with a glow in his eyes.

And behind them comes Brian, looking like he just lost his favourite toy.

And if you consider the way Nick is looking at that child, and the woman I suppose, then for all I know, Brian might have lost just that.

His favourite toy.

 

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