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I look over at Nick, who’s sitting on the couch in the hospital hallway. Serenla is sitting next to him, holding a sleeping Phoenix.

Nick looks so relaxed, so at ease, so natural. He looks like he belongs next to Serenla and the child.

And in about five minutes I’ll find out if he truly does. In a way I already know that Nick is Phoenix’ father. It’s obvious really, because those two look so much alike.

I know Nick has a daughter now, and that we will have to deal with that. We will have to find a new way to live now. We will have to change.

I don’t mind change. Over the past year me and Nick have already changed so much. What I mind is THIS change. Because before it was only me and Nick. The things we did only affected the two of us, and no one else, not really.

Now, everything we do will not only affect Phoenix, but it’ll affect Serenla as well.

I know that before, the things we did affected those around us, but not in the same way it will affect those two, once we get the results.

I don’t even know why we’re bothering to wait.

The answer is already clear.

Phoenix is Nick’s daughter.

I really don’t need a doctor to tell me that.

But that doesn’t matter.

What I know doesn’t matter.

This feeling of knowing, yet not knowing, it is all I have right now.

I can pretend this isn’t happening, I can pretend it’s still only Nick and me. So long as I don’t know, there are no limits to what me and my love can do.

The second Dr.Berger returns, and we get the results, reality will come crashing down, and my world will change, my life will change, and nothing will ever be the same.

**********

I’d give anything to know what Brian is thinking about.

He’s pacing, been doing it for quite a while.

Walking up and down the hallways in front of us, shooting glances at me and Serenla every now and then.

I can’t say I like that behaviour. I know what he does means he has something on his mind, something he does not want to talk to me about. That scares me, that Brian doesn’t wanna talk to me.

There was a time when Brian would be sitting next to me now, holding around me, smiling at me, and telling me everything would be alright, and that whatever happened we would be together forever.

That time, that was yesterday. But right now, if feels like a lifetime ago.

I know what’s on his mind. I know why he is not sitting next to me right now, why he is not holding around me, and why he is not telling me everything will be alright.

I can sum it up with one word, one name.

Phoenix.

My little girl.

She is the reason Brian is acting this way, she is the reason I feel like Brian is miles away.

She is the cause of all his thinking, all his pacing, and all his looks in our direction.

But I cannot blame her for this, nor can I blame Serenla.

The blame is no ones, because there is nothing to blame them for.

Things happen sometimes, things that change your life. Brian knows this, I know he does. And he will find out that he does, and all will be fine. I have faith in him, and I know he will be alright.

We will be alright.

I look towards the doors where Dr.Berger is right now, running his tests. Shouldn’t be much longer now, until he comes through them, and tells me that this child sleeping in Serenla’s arms is mine.

Then we can go home, all of us, and start talking about what to do, and how the rest of our lives will be. Taking it one step at a time, but planning for a long time.

I want this, I want her.

And when we’re done with the planning, I can get back to my mission.

Seems like ages ago I came up with it, but it was only a few days.

My mission, that will make AJ either love or hate me, but definately get him laid.

I’m talking about the setting-AJ-up-with-a-guy mission.

That’s gonna be a blast.

**********

Nick is smiling. Just staring straight out into thin air, and smiling.

I’d give anything to know what he is thinking of right now.

But a small part of me don’t wanna know.

Because I have a feeling I know what it is.

I turn and start walking the other way, but then my foot stops in mid-stride, my mouth falling open.

It’s can be time yet. Not yet.

I haven’t had time to reason things out.

I haven’t had time to find the answer.

I haven’t had time to prepare myself.

I haven’t had time to get ready.

I close my eyes, dreading the words I know will come soon. And I pray it’s the ones I wanna hear, instead of the truth that I know in my heart.

Dr.Berger comes walking closer, looking at Nick and Serenla, who are standing up now.

«Congratulations Mr.Carter. You are the father of a beautiful daughter.»

 

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