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I look at Nick. I'm so proud of him.

He's doing the right thing, taking this test to see if Phoenix is really his.

I mean, he has to know, and this is the only way to find out for sure.

I don't know what I hope the result will be though.

In a way I pray that the child will not belong to Nick.

Because if it does, it will complicate things, change thing. And right now, I like things the way they are. I don't want a child in our lives. Maybe in a few years, but not now.

Everything is still so new for the two of us, and I'm afraid that this could be the beginning of an end.

That having a child will make Nick re-think the choices he's made in his life.

Hell, I'm afraid he'll find out I'm not for him.

I don't think I'd be able to bear that.

On the other hand, having a child is a blessing, and I have no idea how the two of us would ever be able to get one later on.

Besides, Phoenix is a lovely child, and she truly needs a father who loves her right now.

With her mother gone, Nick is her only parent. Apart from Serenla, and me. Oh God, if he's her dad, how wil it ever work?

*****

Brian looks about as nervous as I feel.

I suppose that is only natural though.

I mean, we're in this together. Whatever happens to me happens to him, and whatever I go through, he goes through.

It's the way of things, it's the way of our relationship, and I'd have it no other way.

I need Brian around me. If for nothing else, to make me happy. He's what brings joy to my life these days, and without him, I can't imagine what life would be like.

We've made it through a lot of things, and we'll make it through this as well.

No problems. None whatsoever.

I hope.

I give him a smile, trying to make us both feel a little better. I mean, this is just a little test.

A test we're on our way to the hospital to take right now.

We're in a car.

On our way.

There.

To a hospital.

Oh God, I think I'm gonna pass out.

*****

Nick looks nervous.

Heck, he looks like he's having a freaking breakdown.

Which is nothing compared to me, cause I think'm HAVING one!

Ok, nothing to worry about. It's just a test. No big deal.

It's just a little test, which will determine the rest of our lives.

Sure, nothing major about it.

Nothing major at all.

Oh no, not at all.

Have to stay calm.

Must stay calm.

MUST STAY CALM.

Fuck it.

I don't care.

I'm having a nervous breakdown, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.

*****

OK, we're here.

At the hospital.

I tell the driver to just wait for us at a nearby coffe house. It could take a while.

Heck, I don't know how long this will take.

All I know that a friend of my dad's works at this hospital, and I pray that he's here right now.

Maybe he can speed things up, if it takes too long that is.

Of course, he could be like my family, and refuse to talk to me, but I'm hoping he's not as narrow-minded as them.

I'm really hoping he isn't.

We walk inside, me and Brian next to each other, Serenla behind us carrying Phoenix.

I walk up to a counter of some sorts, not quite sure what to do or say.

My mind is filled with thoughts.

What's going to happen?

How will it go?

What will I do?

What will I say?

How could this happen?

Why did this happen?

Why...

"Yes?"

I shake my head and look at the lady in front of me.

I think she wants to know why we're here.

"Need...to take test...baby...strange...mine..I dunno...need to know...test...how long....please?"

 

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