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I can't believe this is happening.

It's like my whole world is falling apart.

And it's all because of her.

Because of one woman, and little child.

A child she claims is mine, let's not forget that.

I don't know if I can believe her, and by the way Brian is talking to her right now, I don't think he believes her either.

I try my best to listen, but it's not easy.

Because I can't stop thinking about what this might do to us.

About what it might do to me and Brian.

If this is my child, it will change everything.

Because I will not just forget about it, or keep it a secret.

If she is mine, then I will do my job, and I will be a part of her life.

The thing is, will Brian feel the same?

I mean, she'll be my daughter, and the girl, Serenla I think she said her name was, is like a mother to her.

At least that is what I can get from the conversation. The story she tells Brian makes sense, and I can remember Jennifer. She was a beauty, but it was a one night thing.

I can't remember much of the night, or the time after that, but her name, and a face, that I can see. Probably because Phoenix does look a bit like her.

I've had time to get a closer look at this baby, possibly my daughter, and she does look like Jennifer, and me.

I could be the father. I might be.

But why is Serenla here?

I shake the thoughts out of my head, and hear them talking, hear her talk. What I hear makes me wanna scream. Not for myself, but for Phoenix. A child should never loose it's mother. Never.

With her mother gone, that leaves only me.

If I am her father that is.

If I am, I'll have no choice but to take care of her. I mean, I have a choice, but there is no way in hell I'll let my flesh and blood grow up without knowing me, and without me knowing her.

I know that I can never let that happen.

And that could ruin things between me and Brian. Because I don't know how he'll react to all this, to me being a dad. But I know that I need to be there for Phoenix, if she's mine.

I hope Brian will understand that. The Brian I love will understand, and he will love Phoenix just as much as I will. And if it were just the two of us, then it wouldn't be a problem.

But it's not just the two of us.

Serenla is a part of this as well, and I don't think she'll just leave Phoenix here in my care, if she's mine that is. Serenla will have to come along. Then there'll be three of us raising Phoenix, and I'm afraid that Brian will feel left out.

I guess all I can do is pray that things will work out fine.

I don't even know if she's my daughter.

Yet.

I have to know.

"I'll take the test" I say, looking at Brian and smiling the best smile I can. It's not very good.

"I need to know" It's true, I do need to know.

"I'm with you love" he says, smiling, and I smile back at him.

I'm so happy that he's with me.

Without him, I don't think I could have gone through this. I know that he will be there for me. He'll help me when I need it, and he'll be there.

I need someone to just be there.

To just love me.

If I have that, then I'll get through this.

 

 

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