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A child.

My child.

This can't be happening. This can't be right.

I'm having a nightmare. It's the only solution. I mean, I don't have a child. It's impossible. If I was a dad, I'd have known.

Oh God.

I wanna wake up. I know it's only a dream, but I don't wanna dream this.

Someone just hit me please. Hm, what helps when you wanna wake up from a dream. Fuck, I can't remember.

Let's see. Pain, that should help. I'll just hit my head in the wall. Should do.

I walk over, and slam my head into the wall.

"FUCK" OK, that hurt, but I'm still dreaming. Why didn't it work? I slam my head against the wall again. Still dreaming. What the fuck is going on. I slam my head into it again, and again, and FUCK it, why aren't I waking up?

Damn, this can't be happening.

This can't be real.

Please God, don't.

Don't.

*****

I have to sit down.

Oh my God, this can't be right.

This girl has to be lying. She has to be.

I look at the baby, wrapped up in a blanket.

Phoenix, that's her name. And she's Nick's daughter.

NO. DON'T THINK THAT BRIAN.

I can't think that. Cause if I do, then in my mind it will be real. And it's not. She's just some fan who thinks that this is the way to get close to Nick.

Maybe she thinks that Nick will dump me for her if he thinks he's got a daughter. Stupid girl, trying something like this.

Nick doesn't have a daughter, and I can't remember seeing this girl before. I usually know the faces of the girls Nick's with.

Usually.

This baby, Phoenix, she can't be Nick's daughter.

She just can't.

But what if she is?

What is this girl is the child's mother, and the baby is Nick's?

What if her plan works, and he leaves me for her?

A child needs a mother and a father, so will Nick leave me for a woman if this child is his?

I close my eyes, trying to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

I want to hit something, hurt someone, hate everyone.

BANG.

I look up, and I see Nick hitting his head against the wall.

I suppose he's reacting a lot like me. Refusing to accept it, wanting so badly to hit something.

Of course, hitting his head against the wall isn't really smart.

I get up, and walk over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder.

He turns, and he looks at me, his blue eyes filled with confusion, and something else.

It's like he doesn't understand anything right now.

He looks from me to the girl, and then at the baby.

His blue eyes fills with tears, and they run slowly down his cheeks.

I want to kiss them away, make it all better.

I don't want my boy to be hurting.

But there is nothing I can do.

"I'm not dreaming" he manages to get out.

I shake my head, slowly, as I whisper to him.

"No, you're not."

 

 

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